Arsenal Elections Reach Climax in Positive Polemic

The Fictional Arsenal Captaincy Elections Trying to Inform Overly-Undecided Simpletons (FACETIOUS) has kicked into full gear this morning, with presidential candidates William Gallas and Gilberto Silva going logger-heads in repeating those feel-good slogans of how great everything has been.

Captain Bam-tastic, William Gallas continues to be impressed with the side’s young players, even after a poor goalless draw against the might of Slavia Prague. While having another draw on his pipe with his bunny-slippered-feet propped up on his chaise-lounge, Gallas remarked:

I told them before the game to be careful, because it would be a difficult match, and to be ready for the fight. They did the job very well. The young guys are ready and have shown their character.

Quite the oligarchical character, ol’ William. Arsenal’s preceding oligarch, Gilberto, in trying to reignite Arsenal’s Presidential Election by resorting to some good-old-fashioned Me-Tooism, and says ‘the kid’s-a-done alright, eh?’. Elaborating, Gilberto says:

Of course it was a great experience for them. In their career they will face a lot of difficulties and an experience like that for them will be very important for the future. And it is great for the team because apart from the first XI we have players on the bench that can make a difference. Step-by-step they are having their opportunity to show their quality and they are showing the quality they have got.

The respective parties are also seing fellow ministers enter the fray, with the Gallas-Liberals’ Minister for Workplace Relations, Kolo Toure, and the Gilberto-Labor-Party’s Media Liason Tomas Rosicky both ready to return for Monday’s game against Reading. No doubt it will involve a lot of framed media events whereby they all sit down in a primary school class reading books to kids and smiling toothy grins.

It’s a sad indictment on the political realm in the lands of Arsenal. If it were up to me, we’d all be saluting a statue of Tony Adams’ ‘Y’ against Everton, but hey. Life is what you make of it.

In other news, The Arsenal Fans Network Youth Blog reports that Vincent van den Berg – the youth-midfield prospect – appears to be on his way out of the club. More youth-related news appears in Mark Randall’s goal-scoring return to the reserves.

That be it, Star-Wars fans. We are all Star Wars fans, yes? *Promptly turns on some Star Wars while Gallas and Gilberto play checkers.*

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Blogging

2 responses to “Arsenal Elections Reach Climax in Positive Polemic

  1. Adam

    Does that make Arsene Wenger the shadow cabal of Jews that controls everything in the entire world, from Hollywood to the media to universities to George Bush etc. etc.

  2. jammathon

    To think I’m accused of racism. I like to keep the wanker-count low around these parts, thanks.