Newsflash: Arsenal to Steal March on Spurs by Snatching Jonathan Woodgate

I didn’t believe it when I first heard it, but here we are.

Jonathan Woodgate, ex-Newcastle, Real Madrid, and now Middlesbrough (and English!) defender, is apparently considering a contract from Arsenal.

Though no news sources can confirm it is indeed Arsenal who are the mystery club set to snatch Woodgate from under Tottenham’s noses in a deal that could prove quite expensive, given his nationality.

With Toure’s injury, it would be a massive coup for Wenger, and yet another reason to goad on our local rivals. The only issue is how extortionate the transfer fee will be, who Woodgate would replace, and how much he can avoid injury.

We will keep you posted when more news breaks.

PS: No satire in this article.

Update of an Update: Apparently, Spurs have gotten the defender, despite our interest. Ah well.

Yet another update: Wenger denies everything. Apparently it’s all been made up. When have journalists ever been known to do that?

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