EXCLUSIVE! Arsenal to sign Michaels, John and Farrokh Bulsara

A quick post today, but I had to act fast to ensure I bring to you breaking news I have come across thanks to several, extremely-reliable sources of mine.

It has been brought to my attention by sources from within the club that Arsenal are set to make a sensational swoop for three absolutely ***fabulous*** ‘players’.

Although definitely on the older side (but hey, WE WANT EXPERIENCE, DONT WE?), these bonafide artistes will fit straight into the Arsene Wenger mode of play, in their lyrical genius both on the field and their truly exuberant, masterful skills in playing the game.

Although it’s not certain what positions they will play, it is certain that superstars Michaels, John and the lesser known Farrokh Bulsara will get the pulses of all Arsenal ‘fans’ racing to orgasmic levels.

Signings to get EXCITED about!I for one, cannot wait for Arsene to sign the dotted line ASAP. Afterall, it’s June 4 already! We cannot be seen to be lagging behind the likes of Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United, who have all made their signings already. Well, my trusted sources tell me they have. Honest.

I think the point of the whole shindig is that these three ‘players’ are guys we REALLY CAN GET EXCITED ABOUT. VERY, VERY EXCITED. You know…capital letters are awesome things. They’re wonderful for use in acronyms, starting sentences…but most of all, they’re just great for adding desperately needed credibility to everything I say.

Arsene Wenger! Quit holidaying in Italy, or France, or wherever it is you’re taking an ill-deserved break. There is no rest for the Championship manager! I know some people differ in opinion to me, but we’re all Arsenal fans in the end, aren’t we? (Perhaps I should add an ‘FFS’ at the end of that, to reveal the passion inert within my plea?) I’m just saying what I feel will improve THE CLUB WE ALL LOVE, which involves THREE MEGA, MEGA SIGNINGS to ANNOUNCE OUR INTENT.

And frankly with signings like George MICHAELS, Elton JOHN and FARROKH BULSARA (with a name like that, how could you not get onto youtube?), who would not be needing a cold shower at this point? Like all PROPER-TRUE-GOOONERS, I love it when we sign EXCITING players. Rawr!

Disclaimer: Loving Arsenal means loving the values it stands for. Wenger was enamoured by the club upon taking up the position as manager of Arsenal. Wenger stands by those values of conducting our affairs in a classy way, in persevering, in showing patience, and generally, not being debt-ridden chumps like the Glazers and Abramovic.

Disclaimer: ‘Announcing our intent’ does not involve signing David Villa, or the looks-very-mediocre-on-youtube Nasri or Ben Arfa. It involves playing for the title, like Arsenal always have done, doing things the same way they have done for years. Quietly, patiently, secretly. If you want a club that constantly ‘announces its intent’, go support Spurs – the club destined for big things by aiming for fourth spot, year in, year out.

Tirade: Tired of the Bullshitting Wenger? Go support all those other clubs, whose managers have never made a mistake once in their life.

One more disclaimer: If you really do ‘get excited’ by David Villa, Samir Nasri, et al – you really do have exotic tastes as a human being. Which is perfectly fine, of course. Just so long as you are well aware of it.

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59 Comments

Filed under Arsenal, Blogging, Carling Cup, Champions League, Chelsea, English Premier League

59 responses to “EXCLUSIVE! Arsenal to sign Michaels, John and Farrokh Bulsara

  1. J.Sanderson

    One more disclaimer: If you really do ‘get excited’ by David Villa, Samir Nasri, et al – you really do have exotic tastes as a human being. Which is perfectly fine, of course. Just so long as you are well aware of it.

    Hahaha Brilliance.

    Welcome back Jammathon, i knew you could write this in half an hour 😛

    You’re work is sadly missed amongst the Arsenal community, the humour as well as interest in your articles makes this blog one of the most under rated.

    Top work my friend.

  2. Absolutely brilliant,i for one am curious as to whether it will be John or Michaels playing in the hole…

    Sorry, had to be done! Seriously, welcome back, where the fuck have you been? Off getting laid, drinking, perhaps some study, travelling, time with family? Pathetic.

  3. topleagueguner

    What a load of BOLLOCKS, FFS get a life, there are gooners out there who want real f’ing arsenal news not this pile of crap, how sad are you seriously, and there are some TWONKS praising you like the comment above – UNBELIEVABLE.

  4. Amerigooner

    Great post mate, way to stick it to those idiots at Le Grove!!

  5. jammathon

    Ladies and Gentlemen – topleagueguner (‘guner’ has two ‘n’s…): Proving my point entirely. Keep hitting the refresh button, now.

  6. Simmo

    Nothing wrong with the praise from other commenters, it just went over your head. It’s muppets like you that give Arsenal fans a bad name.

  7. jammathon

    And here was me thinking this blog would spark a lot of anti-homosexual sentiment. Before anyone misreads it, this is not the case at all. Black, white, gay, straight, man and woman, I dont care what you are.

    (So long as you bow down and obey me, we’re all happy.)

  8. d.j

    hahaha I loved this, great post!!

  9. jean lu pooty

    you sir are without a doubt the best in the business i mean BREAKING that kinda of news YEEHAW i have been waiting on Arsene to JUMP on these guys for sometime .Think of what a CREAMY style( like eboue hands satated it just sitting there to be said)they will bring us so gifted i really REALLY excited but i do agree with topleagueguner hhhmmmm something is not right there however i agree with because i do not want to laugh EVER,EVER i want to read more news NOW i am top league to ya know and that means i take Arsenal matters THE MOST SERIOUS EVER!!!
    thanks man great blog your refreshingly clever outlook is SO needed?!!??/

  10. DoubleWinner98

    This is absolutely Pathetic

  11. Chopper

    couldnt agreemore double winner, a complete and utter waste of time from sad, sad people who dont care about the club, no emotion no passion no nothing not a care in the world with regards to arsenal fc – load of shite

  12. RunnerBEAN

    Tut, Tut, Tut, Bow your head in shame – stupidity in it’s finest. The worst blog in blog history goes to – THIS ONE!!

  13. georgesydaust

    Well done mate. A bit of a laugh during this period of “no action” should always be welcome. To the knockers….get a life. I too am waiting for a signing with baited breath and am clicking on bloody newsnow as my 1st reaction whenever I sit down to my computer. So consider this a humorous gazumping if nothing else… get a life lads.
    well done jammathon.

  14. jean lu pooty

    l really like that people who do not know the name Farokkh Bulsara keep coming in tails wagging n leaving so fuckin disgruntled thats so fuckin sweet hehehehehhahahhaha shows the identity crisis TRUE and PASSIONATE fans of Arsenal must be going through i mean such disparity and in June already .Sheesh sure am glad i only love Arsenal a little and not alot so i can avoid becoming a Supremo Douche
    Once again man well done hehehehahahahaha ….think that may have made my day

  15. jugasaurus rex

    MY word u actually sat their writing this pathetic article hahahaha it just shows you really have way too much time on your hands

  16. jammathon

    It’s true. I have way too much time on my hands. I should be spending that time clicking on every NewsNow link around suggesting a new 17million signing is imminent.

  17. Trusty

    wat a load of crap. give us real news not gey news…loser

  18. Brilliant Jammathon. Glad to have you back, I shall be linking to this post in my daily “be patient, we’re Arsenal not F’ing Sp*rs or Chelsea post.” Hope you get the chance to keep on posting because this is my favorite blog, even more than my own. Keep it up mate and don’t let all these people commenting get ya down. Cheers and up the Gunners!

  19. jammathon

    Real news…like…we’ve signed Ben Arfa? Villa? Richard Dunne? Would you prefer me to write about all those big signings we’re for-sure-going-to-make?

  20. jammathon

    Arsenole – kudos, man. I will be endeavouring to update daily between now and June 13, and from there, hopefully continue on in resurrecting Third-Gen. It needs a face lift too, it would seem.

    Keep well. I enjoy these commentors who dont realise their own self-parody.

  21. Kartik

    Farrokh Bulsara- is better known as freddie mercury of the queens.(nd no more alive)
    so stop laughing at its name
    these all r top class musicians
    look at the brighter side
    if arsenal could actually sign the other two
    nd have their concerts on emirates
    arsenal wud b makin hell lot of money
    nd there is no problem of injuries also

  22. ey

    Heh, nicely done.

  23. skantius

    hey! mr bok of oz, where have you been? great post,by the way

  24. forfooksake

    no u twonk if theres no REAL news keep it shut rather than getting fan’s hopes up, ur a top rated twat. Number one in the charts just like the singers. funny how every single one of them u chose are GAY, u seem well adversed in homoism.

    well done, such a shite blog and every1 who supports this post has no real passion for football and most definately not arsenal. i am the first to have a sense of humour but this bullshit is going out on professional news aggregators – have some FUCKING respect for people who want good positive news about their beloved club.

  25. georgesydaust

    Kartik; Injuries, well unless you have to rush Sir Elton to pump his stomach of 7 different semens that is……………

  26. Heh

    After reading the comments on here and arseblog, I realise what a bunch of humourless cunts we have as supporters.

  27. Harry Barracuda

    Sorry boys but you have to accept that we have a few turd burglars at the Emirates, and clearly this blogger is one of them.

  28. arsenalviper

    class post, keep up the good work.

    people are i believe becoming mind-numbingly boring.
    good its just a bit of surreal humour – like monty python, blackadder or curb your enthuaism.

    Jammathon – you just got the biggest praise in your life.
    hey Harry Barracuda i suppose i must be a turd burglar, esp with a name like arsrenalviper

  29. G4L

    i think you touched a nerve with a sledgehammer there and to quote a portuguese cunt: “it’s fantastic”. THC (the humourless cunts) are moving about like a fart stuck in pants amplifying their stench by the second. For next time I recommend you give them a big-name signing so to prevent the combustion. THC love the club oh-so-much-more than any of the guNNers who shared a laugh here or found this piece funny.

    Cheers and up the Arse(nal)!

  30. CurryBOY

    Jammathon, why are you even bothering?

    Your blog is shit.

  31. Lol I get such a kick out of reading all these comments. Keep em up. My post today probably pissed some people off as well. I hope so.

  32. London Tom

    ‘Disclaimer: ‘Announcing our intent’ does not involve signing David Villa, or the looks-very-mediocre-on-youtube Nasri or Ben Arfa.’

    Arfa looks very average on you tube? Hey, maybe you should try watching the French young player of the year live instead of relying on a website.

    Nasri – Average? Please. Dubbed the next Zidane, in the French squad for the Euros? Last years young player of the year. Hailed by Arsene and most of the footballing world? You’ve been getting spoilt by the A-League if you think Nasri is average.

    Do I even need to pass comment on David Villa? One of the best finishers in Europe and a player who was keeping Torres out of the Spanish team?

    I found your site through ACLF. I thought, this guy is going to have something good to say if he is slagging Le Grove down. Sadly I was wrong.

    Taking jibes at other websites is a lame way to get extra hits. It shows you lack the intelligence to write something original.

    You got my hit today, lucky for you – it will be my last.

  33. London Tom

    Great post Arsenole, yet another blogger that can only gain hits by digging out Le Grove.

    You did really well, 3 comments!

    ‘Le Grove’, the worst Arsenal blog going 493 comments vs ‘Third Gen’ and ‘Arsenole’ – Voice of the fans! 37

    Marvellous work people, it seems most ‘real’ Arsenal fans echo your sentiments.

  34. I’m amazed. Seriously, how can anyone call this post (or blog) as crap?! Well, maybe ‘some TWONKS’. Cheers mate and greets from Finland.

  35. Pingback: Arsenal Finland Supporters Club » Blog Archive » Ylimääräisiä käsiä?

  36. It’s not all about the comments London Tom. It’s about giving legitimate news to fans and not made up bollocks on a daily basis. Le-Grove spends more time bashing “AKB’s” than giving out news. I’m just trying to give the sane viewpoint

  37. jammathon

    a comment. What do they matter?

  38. gunner4life

    Allright i wanted to say it but just didn’t.

    AKB guide on Le grove is hilarious…. they keep on with the same tone the whole day…. and 493 comments you say.. i say a certain ethan adds about half of them rambling about ACLF.

    So my dear humorless zombies who call this piece crap…. its people like you who make up the quietest of audience at the Grove literally.

    keep ’em coming jammthon… my first click and certainly not the last..cheers

  39. London Tom

    Well Arsenole, let me just clear this up.

    Blog:

    ‘Short for “Web log,” a specialized site that allows an individual or group of individuals to share a running log of events and personal insights with online audiences.

    News site:

    ‘A news site is a web site with the primary purpose of reporting news. There are two main types of news site: general news and subject-specific.’

    Last time I checked, Le Grove was a blog, not a news site. Last time I checked, no one was reading your news site. 15 votes in your poll, how depressing.

    Jammathon, a comments section is a good guide to the success of a blog. If you have a lot of comments it means you are encouraging debate and people like what you are writing. If you don’t see the benefit of a comments section, why don’t you remove yours?

    Out of 41 comments, 14 don’t like you, 3 are from me and 8 are from you. Your comments section says a lot to me about how people feel about you and your hilarious post.

    Gunner4life, if this Ethan chap wrote half the comments, it would still give Le Grove 5.6 times more comments than the 2 above mentioned sites combined.

    I’ll be sticking to ACLF, Arseblog and Le Grove.

    Whoops, another hit…

  40. Dr Whiff

    Good afternoon 3rd Gen

    Firstly I would like to say what a dog shit article this is!? Im appauled that this is even getting on an Arsenal blog site…what relevance does to have to anything to do with Arsenal?? If i wanted to read about shit i’d go on the Spuds website??

    Amerigooner….how does that stick one to the Grovers? are you mad? This site does not even have a patch on Le-Grove…

    Shocking performance here, and i dont know why the rest of the fans on here find that blog funny? Your story today is about as funny as Aids…

    Kind Regards,

    Dr Whiff

  41. Dr Whiff

    London Tom….as a fellow Le-Grover i feel offending giving these tossers hits….

  42. jammathon

    Why is self-parody so hard to detect?

    For the record, I know that less than 5% of those who read an article leave a comment. Comments have never been a ‘measure’ of the quality of a blog, or a determinant of its readership. That is as far as I go into a pretty immature argument.

  43. Dr Whiff

    People leave comments if they like the article….

    People go onto blogs to have conversations with people that share the same interest…if they dont like what the read, they’ll go elsewhere…thats why you have a 1/4 of the comments that Le-Grove have??

    Its like if you go into a bar one day and its full of fat birds…you’ll take a look around, but walk straight back out ….. But you know you will go back the next day to see if the birds any better. And you will do this time and time again until they are better…im some cases they have fat birds all the time….

    Imagine your bar being the blog and the fat birds being your articles and it might make sense?

    You can argue on this shitheap all you want about Le-Grove being shit but there comments show who’s a superior blog?!

    Kind Regards,

    Dr Whiff

  44. London Tom

    I tell you what isn’t hard to detect.

    A jealous blogger.

    The quality of an Arsenal blog has always been judged on it’s comments. Arseblog, ACLF, Le Grove and Gunnerblog are the best blogs and they have the most commenter’s.

    It seems the only person who thinks you have a quality blog is you.

    Can you detect a self absorbed blogger?

    I can.

  45. Absolutely priceless comments from the semi-literate brigade out there. I hope its not this kind of shit that puts you off blogging regularly, you should take it as a compliment that these morons keep returning to dish out the abuse. It is very sad that our club largely seems to be supported by retards who are now unsure about us since they had to get over their crushes on thierry henry. Arseblog seems to be the only place where these tools get shouted down pretty quickly.

  46. jammathon

    I pray to high heaven you get a #27 fan shirt some time, Eboue’s Hand. The only reason some of us will ever like Eboue is because of you. *sunshine, lollypops…*

  47. Dr Whiff

    Yeah and its pricks like you that support Eboue and keep him in the squad….Theres reasons everyone hates Eboue…because hes shit, doesnt assist and doesnt score goals……what sort of right winger is that??

  48. Dr. whiff, you’re spending alot of time on a blog you claim to hate.
    As it happens, i don’t really like Eboue anymore, but here’s an explanation of how the name came about:
    In the 2006/7 season we beat Bolton at home in the league for the first time in a while. It was fucking sweet. right at the end Eboue got away with a blatant handball in the box and that made it all the sweeter. The next day I left a comment on arseblog for the first time. I couldn’t think of a name so i went with Eboue’s Hand. It ended up sticking so I kept it, long after people would have recognised why. after I first commented on this site jammathon mentioned me in his next post and said I should use my real name. I wrote a comment calling myself The Artist Formerly Known as Eboue’s hand and mentioned my real name, but stuck with that one. I quite liked Eboue when he played at right back but during this season I grew completely sick of seeing him on the wing and after his antics at Old Trafford in the cup I decided to stick with the TAFKA bit for any blog I comment on. Long, boring, but there it is. I’d still be happy enough for him to stick around as cover for Sagna, but thats about it.

  49. Dr Whiff

    LE GROVEEEEEE, LE GROVE, LE GROVE,
    LE GROVEEEE, LE GROVEEEEE, LE GROVEEEEEEE, LE GROVE!

    STAND UP, IF YOU LOVE LE GROVE,
    STAND UP, IF YOU LOVE LE GROVE,
    STAND UP, IF YOU LOVE LE GROVE,
    STAND UP, IF YOU LOVE LE GROVE,

    THERES ONLY 1 LE GROVEEE,
    1 LE GROVE
    LEAVING POSTS, GETTING COMMENTS,
    WALKING IN A LE GROVE WONDER LAND
    THERES ONLY 1 LE GROVEEEE….

    WHEN THE COMMENTS HIT THE BOARD, ITS NOT THIRDGEN OR ARSENOLE, ITS LE GROVVEEEE x 2(TO THE TUNE OF THE WEST HAM BOBBY ZOMARA SONG…)

    YOUR SHIT, AND YOU’VE GOT NO HITS
    YOUR SHIT, AND YOU’VE GOT NO HITS
    YOUR SHIT, AND YOU’VE GOT NO HITSSSSS
    BECAUSE THERE ALL AT LE GROVE

    See what you reduced me to doing?? I didnt want to do this?? this is immature and being bored but you made me do it?

  50. Dr Whiff

    That stories boring….fits in quite well on this blog?

    OOOOOOOOoooo im such a bitch

  51. daokta

    This Dr Whiff is leaving a bad smell om this blog. I read Le Grove as well but lately – it all seems to be about new signings and why it has not yet happened.

    Welcome back Jammathon – hope you are not put off continuing with your blog by some of the comments – clearly from people who does not understand what parody and sarcasm means

  52. steww

    Great post. It’s a joy that there are some people like yourself with a bit of humour, and the ability to write, who are prepared to entertain us during the close season. The least said about the semi literate drivel from some of the negatives here the better. Although I laughed aloud at the implication that you’d committed a crime by making someone think we’d signed someone when we hadn’t!! These people are an embarrassment to themselves and to our club.

  53. Paul

    This Dr Whiff character is a real genuine idiot. God help him.

  54. Dr Whiff

    Daokta

    read Le Grove as well but lately – it all seems to be about new signings and why it has not yet happened

    – So its Le-Groves fault that Wenger has’nt signed anyone?

  55. Paul

    Dr Whiff

    Don’t they teach you at your primary school that the right punctuation is “hasn’t” and not “has’nt”. Go and stand in the corner with that pointy hat until you learn, or else you will never pass your SATS exams.

  56. harper

    What, no Springsteen? C’mon!! He’d slot right into our forward line and smack Ade upside the head every time he drifted offside!

    Hilarious, loved it! Love any blog that upsets Le Grove trash like pathetic Manu-wannabes Dr Whiff who live in a black-and-white world and who actually writes posts cheering on a BLOG like it’s some kind of team to support! What losers. Dr Whiff is a good representative of the braindead morons on Le Grove who spend their whole lives every day posting the same old comments over and over again–no wonder they get hundreds of comments, it’s the same stupid loser crowd commenting every day all day long. They have nothing else to do with their stupid little lives. They certainly have no jobs. They’re all hysterics throwing tantrums every day — imagine what they’re going to be like in August!

    Nice to see you back, and with a humorous little article that lightens everyone up beyond all the serious talk. Frivolous humor has its place, people, grow the hell up.