An Open (Capital) Letter to Wenger: Sell Adebayor, Buy Voronin

Dear Mr Arsene Wenger

I have really, really enjoyed the splendid football you have managed to spoil us Gooners with, not just inside two different stadiums, but also us here glued to our tellies from around the world. You are a proven master of your craft. You crank out a production line of ‘hidden gems’ of players, and have changed the face of the English game forever.

It is here that I must interject, however. Because frankly, I’m fed up with you.

The fact that you have taken so long to sign Samir Nasri, is frankly, a disgrace. We should be paying TOP DOLLAR, whatever the player SMEGGING WANTS so we can sign a player we have, admittedly, only seen on Youtube and, admittedly, only have the papers at their word, to believe.

YOU HAVE FAILED TO DO SO WENGER. STRIKE ONE.

I know he has never played a game for Arsenal. I know he’s only 20-something. But surely players of his CALIBRE (read, hype) deserve EVERY PENNY WE CAN THROW AT HIM? NO????

Secondly, Adebayor.

This is a gruff subject, and frankly, I’m sick of hearing about all this AC Milan and Barcelona banter. For TOO LONG have Arsenal appeared as a selling club. Coincidently, FOR TOO LONG have Arsenal had to put up WITH SECOND BEST. 30 goals in a season? NOT GOOD ENOUGH. A striker who can lead the line on his own, for a whole season, at the age of 23 (!!!!), and GETS TIRED NEAR THE END OF THE SEASON COMPLETELY UNEXPECTEDLY? Not good enough.

He ‘reportedly’ wants £80,000 a week from us. This is coming from a player who KNOWS THE RIGOURS OF THE PREMIER LEAGUE. A player who has scored ONLY THIRTY GOALS FOR US. Frankly, it’s not good enough. We are Arsenal. We expect only the best (but come on Nasri, you’ve yet to adapt to the Premier League, but we’ll pay top dollar for you…)

It is time we proved we are not a selling club. So please, Mr Wenger. Sell Adebayor this very instant.

And buy this guy.

Disclaimer: Wenger is the man who discovered George Weah.

Disclaimer: I will only believe a transfer is done once it is officially confirmed.

Oh, another disclaimer: Adebayor could go. But then, he could not. (How mysterious!)

Yet another disclaimer: Nasri is quite decent, I’ll admit.

Last, but not least: Voronin is a painter.

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66 Comments

Filed under Arsenal

66 responses to “An Open (Capital) Letter to Wenger: Sell Adebayor, Buy Voronin

  1. cupid4real

    Whosoever wrote this letter is wacked and really high on tequila

  2. jammathon

    Sangria, actually. I was just sitting down with my tapes of David Villa and downing a few bottles.

    *hic*

  3. Sticky

    Not funny

  4. shooy

    If I received such a poorly written letter, riddled with SHOUTY CAPITALS, I’d simply ignore it.

  5. grown up gooner

    if you don’t rate wenger as a manager you’re not a proper arsenal fan and if you think voronin is good you’re a moron

  6. True gunner

    What a load of rubbish from this mis-guided ‘fan’

    I think he likes the sound of his fingers typing.

    You should support spurs as you’ve obviously no idea how the club is run.

  7. Gunner4life&beyond

    He might be wacked, and high on something, but he’s funny. Lol, thank you very much for an early laugh in the day. Another laugh –> Roma want CLICHY!!! ROTFLMAO!!! That’s a good one,

  8. Hehe… This guy seems to be under some kind of substance. No doubt!

    Otherwise he might think of never writing a blog post again…

  9. Gunner4life&beyond

    Oh dear, just seen the new comments. Jammathon, you are a very misunderstood man, never mind. Lol. Arsenal fans need to cheer up, recognise a joke, and then laugh.

  10. james

    how i wish, the author of this letter could be rewarded. As much as i am one of those countless fans who have beleieved every word of Wenger, i humbly beg to differ with wenger about Ade. His conversion rate is what we come to expect from a top 10 side but not a top 2 side like arsenal. Anyone willing to bet David Villa cant score double for Arsenal

  11. Harry Barracuda

    Fuck can you believe the numpties taking this seriously.

  12. Gunner fan

    for goodness sake,“An Open (Capital) Letter to Wenger: Sell Adebayor, Buy Voronin”… shut your gap, whoever u are.

    and for your info, voronin… is a super flop, with liverpool, a team which is lower ranking then us, what makes you even think of him having a chance to be a gunner! haha!

    we gunners have faith in boss AW to deliver us the best.

  13. arsenalfannerd

    Ade is not world class period! David Villa anyone

  14. True gunner

    Adebayor or £24m. Take the money and spend it on a world class striker like Villa

  15. Cesc

    Anyone know why Ade is being questioned, chances missed.

  16. jammathon

    Satire. It takes a brain.

  17. True gunner

    Jammerthon –

    Rubbish, it takes it’s toll.

  18. mmusi

    from your open letter it shows you are such an idiot and you probably should be a Totenham Hot spurer.
    How many players has Totenham signed? Paid top dollar for? So they are worth every penny you DUMB ass? Do you see whats happening to United on Ronaldo?????? He has been paid every penny he deserves and he still will go on strike for a move to Real sluts Madrid.
    Buisness is what Arsene is all about and you should salute that given where Arsenal has put itself since Arsene arrived.
    See Reyes, Anelka they are worth every penny as you say but what are they playing for now? Top dollar does not get you success as the Spuds have proven, it leaves you in debt and a messed up financial statement.

    Thank you Mr Idiot and don’t ever write such nonsensence please, JUST leave and join the spuds. They pay top dollar for all their players and remember Adebayo is not worth what you say he is its the Arsenal team that is worth more collectivley and let him respect his contract which he was worth when he joined……………

  19. WelshGooner

    What a pile poop.

  20. Kolotoure

    tru gunner, i agree with u. I dont know how patient we can be trophyless

  21. Goofle

    Sorry to all of those Gooners who have a brain cell and laughed at this post and understood it. The others…shame on you for not having a brain.

  22. El Tommo

    w
    a
    n
    k
    e
    r

    fuck off and do something useful with your pitiful life you cretin – like go and scrawl on the walls of whatever shit-hole you come from.

  23. MeM

    Dumb fucks.

    Its a JOKE!!!!!!!

    Bloody hell…

  24. fabregaz

    go cheer liverpool man…

  25. Spike

    Beeejayzussss!

    How many up their own arse, humourless, brain dead fuck wits are there out there?

  26. Andes

    I know it’s a joke, but it’s not funny. cos that made u sound like a classic plastic.

  27. Pj2

    Dear Sir

    Thank you for you letter concerning our performance off the field. Forgive me for not disclosing my financial dealings with you but frankly i see no reason too. Just so your aware Adebayor has consistently pledged his alliance to Arsenal for the 2008/09 campaign and has told me personally he wants to be at Arsenal. I cannot control what the press write and instead of getting drawn into a discussion with these individuals i am scouting europes best in Austria.

    Nasri will be joining us shortly the deal was signed before the season ended however with the French season finishing later than the Premier league and Nasri’s wishes to be with the French squad we postponed the medical. Please be assured from my assessment i believe he has the qualities to succeed at Arsenal. Rest assured i am constructing a team that not only will compete for honors but will win and whether that involves signing new players you will have to wait and see.

    In the meantime i hope you enjoy watching Arsenal on TV and if you have one choose to remain a season ticket holder with us instead of with. However if you want to see a club that buys what the press wants with superstar name and turns them to instant flops Roman has a few season tickets in west London. But i warn you it means taking the District Line.

    Get behind Wenger quit bitchin and let’s win the league folks

  28. rustygogo

    I always thought gunners were among the most intelligent fans. I can’t believe many cannot spot the humour!

  29. Gunner4life&beyond

    It’s so shameful, there are a lot more stupid Arsenal fans than I realised. How long can we go trophyless, and other such shit. If you know anything about ‘our’ club, you would know we have gone a hell of a lot longer than this without winning trophies.

    If you don’t think the post is funny, then that is one thing, but if you can’t even tell that he is only joking, and taking the piss, then you are one of the idiots he is taking the piss out of anyway. So more shame on you.

  30. Fab4

    Unlucky Jammathon

    It goes to show thatm ost of the people trawling the internet for titbits of gossip around potential for new signings have become extras from 28 Days Later frothing at the mouth, demanding instant justice for anyone with an opinion, or better still, an amusing approach.

    They probably all read the same shit on Tribal Football etc and were the arseholes who voted Cole and Anelka in the top 30 players of all time on Arsenal.com

    I say bring back Bruce Rioch, sack the board, move back to Highbury, get Hillier in for Flamini. Replace Almunia with George Wood and Lee Chapman for Ade.

    And while we are at it, bring in Gus Caesar for Gallas and Tommy Caton (RIP) for Toure.

    Meanwhile, these monkeys wont even know who we are going on about, because they cant read and only started following the Arsenal when we reached the Champions League final.

  31. Marv tha' Gooner

    Jeez! C’mon guys. This is British comedy at its best (better than the mighty boosh any day!) Not understanding this, You are sounding like Spud (we’ll break into the top four..next year) fans!!

  32. mjc

    Voronin would be class purchis. Plus, if we could add Darren Bent and Michael Owen (who’s just hitting his peke) we’d be wurlclass, and also have more englishers (cos forreners talk funny).

  33. MeM

    To be fair, the ones who thought he was telling the truth were defending the ones who understood it and get the humour. They are just mentally numb…

  34. Droz

    Man, if only the posters here had actually read your blog before, they might not be so stupid as to think that you support tottenham, or think that adebayor is shithouse… I mean, how many disclaimers can you put on the end of something? And still the muppets come.

    Get a life you trolling bastards, go write into sportingo or something.

    Seriously, Arsenal fans have never pissed me off more than during this off-season. I’m almost ashamed to associated with this bunch of retarded cuntboxs.

    Excuse the language…
    Great blog, BTW…

  35. Eric Savage

    Don’t you just get fed up when Wenger signs another 17 year old. Sheesh, we should be signing real experience. I’ve got a bunch of names that come to mind…

    That Davor Suker chap with the World Cup golden boot, is he still playing? What about that world famous Andrei Shevsomething? Michael Owen, now there’s a player for *all* games. Veron maybe – in fact, with Adebayor’s 24 million we could add another 3 and buy him too, beat off that United team from the north. But maybe we should go for real premiership experience – we can even save. We could sell Adebayor for 24 million and buy Darren Bent for 16! And spend the other 8 on Voronin after all!

  36. the poorest of all the letters

  37. are you guys fucking serious this letter is a satire you guys need to grow a fucking brain

  38. mjc

    Samir Nasri is an anagram of: “ANR – I rim ass”
    Take that Miles!

  39. Goofle

    mjc, that is fucking class

  40. arsenalviper(col)

    Please god let me believe that the human race is not this dumb,
    Gunner fan, shooy mmusi – i hope the kids will be alrite.

    jammathon i applaud you sir

    Ps – maybe im being cruel, maybe its a language problem

  41. mjc

    And Philipe Senderos is: “Peeled Rhino Piss”

  42. rustygogo

    You’ve got no clue Eric Savage. I reckon we should get the genuine Savage, Welsh guy called Robbie. He will bring proper creativity to our team and score at least 10 goals per season.
    As for striker I agree with you about experience. I think we should bring back John Hartson. Now thats someone who can head the ball.

  43. Eric Savage

    Yeah, and at least Robbie will be closer to home!

  44. Spike

    mjc; Anagram-tastic work there fella!

  45. Gazza.Esq

    Nice article Jammathon unfortunately your sense of irony seems to have flown over the head of the dullards who have responded to you ! If we don’t get Voronin to replace Ade maybe we could try a cheeky bid for Mido. While we are at it offload Clichy because quite franky any left back who can’t provide at leat 10 goals per season doesn’t cut it for me.

  46. Romford Pele

    BOOOORING

  47. Abz

    Arsenal fans are fucking thick

    Keep up the good work Jammathon. Makes me chuckle. The responses even moreso. You could just see half these idiots hunched over their computers getting so worked up.

    “U FAK GONER! HU DO U FINK U R DISSING WENG LYK DAT! GO SUPPRORT SPERZ U MUG LOLOLOL!”

  48. rustygogo

    I think Wenger should pick his squad on the basis of dual rhyme harmony. If your name does not rhyme with another player then you must be sold, or a player to match you must be bought.

    Gallas / Fabregas
    Rosicky / Diaby
    Nasri / Var persie
    Kolo Toure / Traore ( sorry Eboue!)
    Sagna /Bentner
    Eduardo / Gilberto
    Ramsey / Fabianski
    Walcott/ Hoyte (Just one of them)
    Vela / Almunia (or sell one and buy David Villa)
    We must buy Podolski because of Clichy!
    This means we must sell Adebayor, Djourou, Song, Randall and Gilbert.

    Note. This is a much better way to pick the team than that dodgy method from the French manager

  49. baron

    Your a cunt

  50. baron

    I was talking about my missus sorry

  51. gee

    HA HA HA HA very funny – in fact forget vornin, lets get peter ‘ the human robot ‘ crouch – have u seen his lates robotics jig – much better than Ade little jig. or even lets get robbie ‘ the jigger’ earnshaw – his jig was the best i even learned the moves so i could bust it in da clubs!!!!
    But yeah your letters true!!!
    Y arent we bidding £125 for ronaldo as we are after all bigger than real, barca, milan, inter and juve – they are our feeder the clubs and should bow down and kiss the giant ring!!!!

    Ps Can our fans get any dummer!!!!!!

  52. Adam

    Jammathon, once again a funny post that the mentally challenged just don’t get! Keep up the good work. Seriously guys, it’s called sarcasm.

    I am always amazed at these self-important fans who say they “can’t take it any longer” re Nasri’s protracted transfer. Just relax. You’ve got no say in the matter. It takes time for these things to happen. A number of parties need to agree on a number of documents. In the middle of an international tournament these things just can’t happen. And if you can’t take it anymore after all that then either you’re just going to have to learn to cope with it or just go and end it all.

  53. Roger Rabbit

    adam u idiot – its obvious he’s TRYING to be sarcastic, but its just pathetic because he seems like a twat rather than witty and humourous – ur an idiot too adam, yes u.

  54. Spike

    Roger rabbit

    I wanna shag ur missus, ta.

  55. Adam

    Roger, given the above posts it clearly isn’t THAT obvious now is it?

    I’m an idiot? Because I found it funny? That’s amusing. If only you knew how much more intelligent I am than you. I find it hard to take seriously someone who uses “u” instead of “you” and can’t use apostrophes properly.

    Granted he’s no Ricky Gervais, but Jammathon’s at least taking the p!ss out of people who are making ridiculous demands and they are fair game for criticism. It is this type of short-termist attitude that sees certain clubs recycle managers every season. Fortunately the Arsenal is not like that (yet). We have no divine right to win trophies every year.

  56. Abz

    Ricky Gervais isn’t funny…

    Just thought I’d clear that up!

  57. jammathon

    Ricky Gervais? That’s just heart breaking.

    I was hoping for more of a Dylan Moran, but that is very elite level of humour, I must admit.

    For the record, when I dont respond to comments, its because Im asleep. How to respond to 50 odd at once? You cant.

    In short: Hooray for those that get it.
    Pity the fools that dont.

    It’s not meant to be ‘side-splitting funny!!!’. It’s just got a point. And those baying for my blood prove the point more and more.

    Voronin forever.

  58. The usual brilliance upsets the usual bunch of semi-literate tools. Maybe we should all just go with it…

    Yeh man dat adebaor is fuckin crap cuz like 6 of his goals were agenst darby and those dont even cownt cos i cud score 10 agenst them. We should sign andray arseshaving cos he scord for russia d otherday so he must be one of d best playas eva.

    Wow, it actually does bring me a strange sense of inner peace to switch off my brain to that degree and just go with it.

  59. J.Sanderson

    In order to truly understand Third Gen, you must first have had a decent education.

    this comment sums everything up

    “The usual brilliance upsets the usual bunch of semi-literate tools”

    bang on the money mate, keep doing your thing Jammathon, refreshing and entertaining change for the usual drivel.

  60. tony

    I find it extremely amusing that everyone wants us to sell Ade and buy a “top class” striker. The same people who complain of us being a selling club and selling all our best players to Barcelona? Did anyone think that Barcelona and Milan, two of the biggest clubs in the world, want Ade because HE is the top class striker?

  61. Daniboy

    You worked my Voronin is a painter comment into things… i’m so proud!!!

  62. Dialaquare

    We have lost sight of what we used to be and are now just a southern version of Manure. Soul less ground, dumb fans and money grabbing mercanaries in the team.

    When the limit on foreign players comes in it will be better for us as we will have to start playing some of the younger English players that come through and we sell.

    Sidwell should have been in instead of Flamini, Pennant instead of Hleb and Bentley instead of Rosicky and Stuart Taylor was a good keeper. Maybe its time to have an English Manager, Tony Adams anyone.

    Get our old badge back, rename as THE Arseanl again and bring back the soul of Arsenal.

  63. the writer must be enjoying his time laughing , this is a very nice joke lol

    all football fans are invited to join soccerfanbase.com today for the best of football forum discussion

  64. Great post. The fact that most people are failing to understand the humourous nature of the article is pretty funny in itself. 😉

  65. Wenger is one of the all times greats – period!

    Did you see the Madrid game?
    We are going to kick ass this season.